attempting to accept what you cannot change

today while i was at my cloth diaper group meetup a few things were said that made me think.  since i have started reading things to become a doula, i've become acutely aware of how much of a stupid pregnant girl i was.  i listened and did everything my doctor said without an ounce of hesitation or question.  i really do believe that had i been more educated about pregnancy and birth on my end, i wouldn't have had a csection.  there are many days were i am sad or feel less than that i did not have my child "naturally".  yes i still birthed my child from my body and it doesn't make my birth any less than or more than to any other birth.  i listened to this mother talk about the devastation of being induced while in my head all i could think was, you at least had the chance to labor. i didn't feel her grief or attempt to sympathize with her, even though i didn't have the labor i had wished for either.  i know some people might call me crazy but i do wish i could have experienced at least active labor.  my body doesn't know more than a few braxton hicks contractions.  i hope that i can have my vaginal birth one day.  i know i need to accept that i cannot change what happened that day.  i should just be grateful that my baby boy was healthy and so was i.  i'm sure one day i will and hopefully it is soon. 

the no poo

so i attempted the no poo movement.  no poo doesn't mean i have stopped releasing my bowels, i have stopped using shampoo.  i did it for about two weeks.  the first time i used the baking soda paste and apple cider vinegar rinse felt awesome.  my scalp was tingly and didn't smell like easter.

a few more uses and my hair got super gross.  i don't think that baking soda and acv rinses are for people with super thick/wavy hair like mine.  i started getting really bad flaky scalp.  i did what any reasonable person does and googled the cause.  i decided a natural thing to do would be to rub some coconut oil on my scalp and all that did was make me break out all over my face when i had just gotten to a super awesome point with my skin. 

all in all it wasn't for me (or chris, he hated it).  i went to my stylist and got my hurr did.  the shampoo felt awesome.  my hair doesn't feel like like straw anymore either so that's super nice.  we are still using castile soap for a lot of other things but the baking soda is outta here. 

in case you are wondering what did here you go:

2 tablespoons of baking soda
water
(optional a few drops of TTO)

mix enough water with the baking soda to make a paste and scrub your scalp with it.  let it sit for a few minutes and rinse THOROUGHLY

equal parts of apple cider vinegar and water...dump on your head and leave for a few mins then rinse.

you can add oils or what not to make it smell better but i really didn't mind the "smell"

You will blog

I know I have said it before and here I am saying it again....I WILL blog this year.  More often and hopefully constant.  Since we finally have a real computer and I am finding myself with more time, rants, annoyances, obsessions, crafts, stories, etc.  This NEEDS to happen. 

This will be my outlet from now on.  I am choosing not to bottle anything up anymore and if people don't like my opinions, views or where they stem from that's too bad.

I'm not gonna lie, I will probably get on your nerves, offend you, hopefully make you smile, think, maybe even cry.  =)  I will try my hardest to not have ridiculous run on sentences like I am today.  I will also be going on about my journey in becoming a doula.  I hopefully get to take my first workshop class next month and will be at my first birth as a doula in July (maybe sooner or later).